The Book Of Adam
This is summarized PG version of my life story that tell you what I’ve learned and why I’m motivated to write about the things I do. I don’t go into many of the details about my life. Well… because for the most part they are all pretty dark and may put a lot of people off. After all, not many people want to hear about the shit we all have lock-up in our closets. If you just want to go straight to dark town, click here and the link will take you to a very raw telling of my tale.
An old dear childhood friend of mine once said, “We all have a story to tell”. And the truth be told are entire way of life, our culture and society is driven by the lessons and feelings these life stories touch upon. These stories are, and have always been, more than just entertainment. They are ways for us to share the lessons learn as we try to find those like minded people we want to share our lives with. You best your assets that pretty much everyone loves an amusing story, but in reality we all subconsciously want to help others get a better idea of how to these stories to learn.
My story has a lot of funny moments and I have always used they in social gatherings which have made me many friends until I realized I was just using them and the company of others to hide from the darker ones that littered my path. They were always my favorite drug of choice…lol Growing up in an island paradise, Cape Cod, Massachusetts was made famous for many reason and is one of the world’s most sought after vacation destinations filled with endless beaches and beautiful scenery that is splashed across the canvases of many famous artist from around the globe. The mere mention of where I was raised almost immediately lead anyone to believe that my life would not be anything but enchanting.
As almost everyone whose met me thought that was the case, it wasn’t until I met my wife who helped me realized that, although I seemed unshakably happy and well put together by most who knew me. It really was just a illusion I created and used to cover up my delusion that my life was far from enchanting. The truth was, my life was anything but rainbows and sunshine as it was in fact a living hell that I wouldn’t even wish on my worst enemy. She helped inspire me to face my fears and over time, she helped me accept that fact that although my past was unspeakably horrible, it was a necessary evil that I needed to help me find wisdom well beyond my years once I started looking back at my past and tried to learn the lesson those experiences could teach me.
At first it was hard accept. Like many people who foolishly tried so hard and spent so much time time and effort in a their failed quest to put such things behind me. They have always kept me back regardless of this “obvious potential” so many people had always said I had. Yet, they never really wondered why I seemed to never become this great person pretty everyone who has ever met me believed I should be. Most of them just chalked me up to an average “bullshitter”. When, in reality, the problem was they never really knew how much baggage I carried with me. They never knew how much weight I carried around with me all the time. Most people are simply not even aware of how such things holds more people back from realizing their true potential than anyone could ever even possibly image.
Lessons, Lessons Everywhere!
Once I found the strength to seek out the lessons from these past experience holding me back. The delusion that made me think believe such things were better left forgotten seemed to slip away. When it did, something strange happened. I got stronger! I started to see the world for what it was and began to truly understand why people did the things they do. As the memories of my past which regularly arose when triggered by my current situation, they inspired to look more closely at what they could teach me. It wasn’t long before I realized that these thoughts and memories that resurface began to make more sense. My emotions no longer seemed to get the best of me for any great length of time anymore and peace seemed to find me more quickly after the chaos ensued. Especially when compared to how I use to reacted to such thing prior.
After many, many years of reflection, a little therapy and a lot of love. I have made a great deal of progress getting over a giant mountain of crap. Having seen so many people completely crushes by similar individual experiences that I endured on the regular, it always made me wonder why I too did not go off the deep end like so many others. Especially when they’d always seem to point to a singular or few different events that drastically changed or effected their lives, it was always easy for me to relate to their pain. What has hard for me to understand though and always puzzled me most was how did these people get so messed up by such thing?
I mean, not so sound like an arrogant prick who always has to have the better story, but how they hell did I end up so sane when my life was filled even more horrible shit that clearly trumped their painful experiences both in volume and frequency?
What the hell made me so damn special?
It almost always made me feel a bit guilty. Having lost many friends throughout my life who experienced similar acts of pain as I did. I guess a part of always wished I could just give them a part of my soul so they could hold on a little bit longer and maybe help them find out how they to could not only survive their past, but, become stronger because of it.
It’s All About Paying It Forward
For the longest time my wife has wanted me to share my life story. And, for the longest time I was simply not strong enough to bear the darkest parts of my soul.
Seriously… it was hard enough to share it with her let alone a bunch of strangers.
The reality is, now I am at the point where I have to in order to complete my own healing. I cannot be afraid of my past any longer and the truth be told, I believe I needed to endure it in order to help other people realize that no matter how bad ones life can get. No matter how much we believe in those lies we tell ourselves to protect us from the truth of our existence we can only truly be free from these shackles holding us back if we become strong enough to face the demons of our past.
Facing reality and living in the light of the truth, although hard, is the only way we become powerful enough to overcome the obstacles that prohibit us from being the people we were truly meant to be. The darker our past and the more we try to hide from truth or pretend it does not exist, the more lost, weak, depressed and angry we will eventually become. And, the world has lost way to many beautiful people who’ve refused to accept this reality. As a society, we really need to find better way to help people break down these wall and stop it from happening again! Sadly, the world we all live in only seem content to find way to ignore our pain instead of deal with it and it’s slowly tearing the very fabric of society apart…
Sometimes all it takes is one person or story to help you start your quest to find the strength to overcome. Me, I first realize this after seeing one of my all time favorite movies not to long after I met my wife, “Good Will Hunting.” It was a powerful one, two combination that helped knock me onto the path that saved my life around two decades ago. Sadly though, my heart aches because it seems that the man whose cinematic words touch me so endearingly did not have the same impact on himself. I’ll never forget the scene as Robbin Williams was having his big therapeutic breakthrough with Matt Damon as he finally helped Matt heal by repeating four simple words over and over again until Matt realized the truth which helped him accept the fact that he no longer had to be responsible for holding onto the demons of his past. “It’s not your fault.”
I swear when I realized what he was saying I sobbed like a little school girl with a skinned knee when the message from that scene really sank in. In affect, like most of us can agree with when they hear a story, moment or song that speaks to us and touches our soul.
It felt like he was talking directly to me… it change my life.
In essence, he and my wife saved my life that year!
And it will always pain me that he never seemed to learn the same lesson he shared with Matt in that movie. After all, if he did he’d still be with us today…
We Are All Creatures From Two Different Worlds (Sometime more…)
All of us seemed to trapped in two different worlds as I am pretty sure each of us would agree, we could all easily paint two completely pictures of our lives. The one we share and the one we hide. Very much like most of us regularly do, we all live in fear that someday someone we don’t trust will discover those things we believe we need to hide from the world. Even worse, many people fear that they may grow to trust someone who’ll eventually turn on them a reveal their dark secrets just to get back at them.
Some of us fear the minor things in life like, “I live like a slob even though I look like I’m super organized”. Some of us fear having our major baggage expose like physical abuse or addiction.
Holding on to and hiding such things takes a shit load of energy as these things/secrets only get worse as they seem to slowly spread like infections in our lives. The more we try to ignore them, the worse they seem to get over time and the only way to really let them heal properly is to scrub the shit out of them and get them nice clean. You know, air that shit out! The scariest part is, these things all seem to stem from something in our past we foolishly thought we put behind us. The longer we wait to dig them up and exorcize these demons, the more interesting and creative ways these bastards seem to come into our lives and really mess shit up for us.
My life story is no different as I to could quit easily tell two different tales. Growing up on the end of an island peninsula located at the end of Cape Cod, Massachusetts sounds like paradise to most. You know, the beginning of a wonderful story. Unfortunately for me, the story of my young life was never ending symphony of tragedy. As I stated earlier, was not exactly all sunshine and rainbows and there’s the life we chose to hide behind and the one we want to hide.
Growing up in small town community where people could leave their doors open and you pretty much knew what everyone in town had for dinner, it was a very close knit town. Even though I came from the largest most respected family in town, I’ve always felt cursed, like I just never belonged there. Growing up I was pretty much isolated do to the fact that, although my mothers side of the family was well respected. My father was less than an ideal role model to say the least.
A Child’s Worst Nightmare
The worst thing that could ever happen to a child would be to hold them accountable for the sins of their parents or write them off because of where they came from. In today’s reality this mentality was never really been corrected. In fact, it has grown and evolved overtime into a fearsome soul crushing monster as society has now seem to find itself foolishly blaming entire groups of people for the actions of a few. The more we do it, the more angry we seem to get. Ironically this anger really comes from the fact that deep down inside we know this is wrong. After all, how piss off would you be if someone painted you as a bad person just because someone in your family was a crook. So if this is wrong, how can you justify painting and entire race, religion or social class for the actions of a few people who make up such a tiny fraction of the whole? Sadly, we allow this to happen more often than not.
For me, regardless of what my mother chooses to believe about her two boys, both my brother and I suffered a great deal because of the world our father created. We were regularly tormented by many members of our community, were very violent towards each other and had obvious problems seeing as had many run in’s with the law before we were even teenagers. Even though pretty much everyone in my town loved my mom, and who could blame them, she really is a wonderful person with a huge heart. They pretty much treated us like second rate citizens. After all, we were our fathers sons.
Regardless of the fact that was just a little delusional, just like many of us. Many people have a hard time accepting the truth about the mistakes we all make ad she was no different. Some people just like to lie to themselves and pretend like these things don’t happen yet never seem to how these delusions effect the way they make decisions down the road. Granted, she made some attempts to help us so it’s not like she left us flapping in the wind. She just didn’t have the strength because she was worn out fighting her own battles so I don’t really blame her for not being able to step up. Like I said, her inadequacies are just symptoms of a much larger problem. She’s pretty much just as much a victim as my brother and I were.
I mean seriously! Look at the world we’ve created so far… We’ve gone from small families and communities that chose to let these little things slip by because we refuse to face the discomfort cause by those small inconvenient truths. And now, because we refuse to do the right thing because it way harder, these little problems have grown into full blown monstrous delusions that consume entire societies. And, that shit just ain’t pretty!
This pattern has gone on way to long! In a weird twist of fate, there is a chance I probably would’ve never noticed this pattern unless I had suffered because of the horrible things my father did. Having grown up in a small town isolated from the rest of the world… where the hell could I ever escape to but into my own mind. And boy did my mind take me places that were borderline crazy…lol
Personally, I can honestly see how most people would find it hard to believe that living in a place known for such beautiful scenery and historical significance could be all that bad. . After all Provincetown, Massachusetts is a tiny town located at the end of an island peninsula surrounded by three side of water. Being born and raise in the same town where the Pilgrims who colonized our nation first landed sounds nice. Having spent my life in a place where you could walk to everything while being regularly visited by some of the most famous people and influential artists in the world is kinda cool! What kid wouldn’t want to live in a place where you have a beach less than two blocks from your front door?
Lately I can’t help but notice how everyone seems to believe that being associated with something greater than themselves is the way to be. It’s almost like we’ve been trained to believe that living in our own skin simply isn’t good enough anymore. Like being the best is the only way to be. Even though the irony of all those who believe this is quit comical. After all, no one in the world can be better at being you than you right?
Why I Share…
The primary reasons I’m choosing to blog and write about my own life is primarily to accomplish three things:
1) Help people understand what I have learned throughout my life and why I like write about the things I do with such passion and c0nviction.
2) To try and inspire people to crave the truth and motivate them to get addicted to reality while making them laugh. You know, show people that no matter how bad life can get there’s always hope no matter how dark their past or present experiences may be. Helping them to understand that we all need to face our demons or they will haunt us until we die and prohibit us from finding our true selves!
3) Help you understand that we all need to stop lying to each other, especially ourselves. As a species we’ve become way to comfortable and accustom to telling half-truths while believing the fantasy’s and fairy-tales we create just to make ourselves feel better or more comfortable about crappy situations. In reality, these delusions only compound and create bigger problems down the road not matter how good they make you feel right now…
These patterns of lies and acceptance screw us up more than you could possibly imagine… i
How I Heal
When I blog it just makes me fee better sharing what I’ve learned in life as I use my posts help get more input from those who wish to add something to the conversation and expand my current perspective. After all, I simply don’t know everything! As I write down these parts of my past in my telling of my life story I am in essences re-opening old wounds that never really healed properly to begin with. Scrubbing the piss out of them so they can finally heal properly is a necessary and painful process. Every word I type hurts at first… A LOT! But, as I have finally found the courage to re-break the bones that never really healed right in first place I know I need to reset them properly in order to get stronger. Like I said earlier when I do, something magical happened. Finding strength that I never knew I had and finally understanding the lesson I was intended to learn from these horrific experiences in the first place is an AWESOME FEELING!!!
Discovering the reality that these things that happened were in fact necessary evils that provided a considerable amount of clarity and wisdom has helped me become a better person, the man I was meant to be…
The Lessons I’ve Learned
You see, I’ve always known many things and really never felt the need to share them with the world at first. In fact, for the longest time I always just assumed that people already knew what I had known or would eventually discover it on their own anyways. When I was younger, I always felt as though most of the people in the world just enjoyed suffering or being assholes so I never really bothered to help or felt compelled to share what I know.
After all, no one really bothered to be real with me….EVER!
I guess I always thought that people were aware of the fact that almost all us tell these little lies to make us feel better about our current situations to give us hope when life is less than pleasant. Even though this practice can become a compulsive addiction if not kept in check, I thought this revelation was common place knowledge. Apparently as I got older I realize who wrong this thought was…lol.
From creating over exaggerated stories about the past to slightly embellished tales about how popular we were to how well people did in school, their success or athletic abilities, to seeking out data that supports our own delusion and ignoring the mountain of evidence that clearly contradict the lies we tell ourselves, etc.
All to often many of us chose to completely hide from reality or their past. These people usually spend all their time and energy accumulating wealth, possessions, knowledge or status just to help take their minds off the fact that they never really have “gotten over it”. These people never usually realize that these temporary fixes often cause even more damage down the road as their euphoric effects eventually wear off and when the same tools they use to use just don’t seem to work any longer, they eventually snap or crumble. Of which is probably the real reason why we see so many people who work so hard at trying to make everyone around them believe they are leading the charmed life eventually turn to drugs, suicide, destructive behavior, etc. or worse…
The sad truth is many of us really do know the path and have the knowledge we need to become better people. But as Morpheus from the movie the Matrix once said, “There’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path”.
Most People Pretend To Be How They Really Want To Be…
I’ve met in many people in my life. Just like pretty much everyone else, I’ve always been drawn to those individuals who have similar interests that appeared to be happy, outgoing and successful as they always seemed to have great stories and experiences to share. They almost always enjoy talking about their lives and various topics while usually bragging about how great their lives are and the many wonderful experiences they’ve enjoyed in the most entertaining of ways. Especially when they were surrounded by an audience of interested participants.
Some people I’ve met have even more or less fabricated their entire life story or experiences that litter their past just to make their lives sound more interesting. Others don’t really have to make anything up at all. We all put our own spin on things as no one ever really wants to appear boring. The truth is, none of really are boring, we just haven’t found the people who appreciate how wonderful we are!
Somehow I’d often find myself talking with these standout storytellers one on one. Being the good listener I am (there’s that humbleness again) I often listened to more than one’s words as their body language usually helped me understand what they were really saying. As I’d try to guide the conversations along, usually in the direction they always seemed to want to go anyways, it always help other people to feel more comfortable around me than most. And, let’s face it, it’s rare when you find someone who gets you and usually so intoxicating it compels us to share more than we typically do.
We all enjoy finding those special people we can connect with and for some reason I’ve just always seemed to be able to be that guy with almost everyone I’ve met. For one reason or another many of these conversation would turn into a full blown Oprah moments where they’d end up telling me parts of their life story the seldom share with anyone, let alone a complete stranger. Quit often they’d tell me tales they’d rarely tell. Some were crazy, some were funny but usually they’d break down and turn so dark that I wish I had a straight jacket handy or a psychologist on call.
It didn’t take me long to realize that we all pretty much have a tenancy to make things appear to be better than they really are. Unfortunately, we don’t see the damage that sugar coating reality can cause over the long term. It really is an infectious disease that has plagued humanity since the dawn of time and has gotten especially worse over the past few decades with the birth of “Political Correctness”.
The thing I’ve learn most about humanity is that the more we share or use these intentional acts of personal deception, the more likely these lies will in fact become our reality as we eventually end up believing them to be true. The sad part is, there are many people in this world whose minds subconsciously create entire fantasy worlds to protect us and/or those we love from our reality. Some people retreat into them for a few moments in time, others never leave… and, we are all a little bit crazy.
Who The Hell Am I?
Me, I’m no different that anyone else when it comes to such things. I’m just more aware of who I really am and try very hard to be as real as possible. Apparently, in doing so, I often find myself offending others… big shocker huh! But, the reality is, I just don’t give a crap…lol
After all, many people who have been believing in lies their whole lives get often get offended when some dare tries to speak the truth.
Unfortunately, I have great deal of experience being offended myself so I can relate.
I too have come from a world which compelled me to use some of these fantasies to escape reality so many times (both consciously and subconsciously) throughout my youth, I’m surprised I never left. After reading my life story you’ll see why I needed them though. Granted, looking back on those parts of my own life and the imaginary worlds I created, some of them really were quit amazing. They were also quit necessary as well considering the fact that if I had not taken those many mental trips to the light fantastic to escape reality when I did, the truth would’ve most likely destroyed me at the time.
So trust me when I tell you, I can relate to this world of self-deception quit well and don’t think poorly about others who find themselves lying to themselves… From thinking that being a teen father would be cool and fun, to believing that a stay at home parents job is easy. Yeah, I always seemed to figure out things the hard way…lol
The Big Eye Opener
The hardest part about looking back on my own life is that it’s always made me wonder one thing that still troubles me to this very day. How is it possible that a child, being of such a young age, can hide so many horribly dark secrets when he come from such a small tightly knit community? Of which, only leads to even more troubling questions like… How much easier is it for other people or kids are hiding such shit, especially in today’s world where most people have never set foot in their neighbors home let alone know what they had for dinner?
How do these people live with themselves when holding onto to such things makes it nearly impossible for any of these people to find any true or sustainable peace in their lives?
Looking around at the world today it really makes me wonder as it starts to paint a very eery picture of the world and why it is the way it is today. Haven’t you ever wondered by why there is so much addiction in the world lately or why so many people are trying to get others to believe that treating each other like crap or sexually degrading members of the opposite sex is empowering? It really starts to make more sense why alcohol and drugs are so popular now doesn’t it though.
Why we are so fixated on those stories of triumph and achievement. Why revere and celebrate all those people who have become the masters of their own destiny. Granted many of them do and can give us the hope and inspiration we need that may someday empower us to be capable of achieving such greatness in our own lives. The sad part is we spend so much time in everyone lives/stories but our own, we are seldom find the time to become the masters of our own destiny.
We’ve bec0me so addicted to getting high off of seeing the dreams of others come true through their stories of success, we’ve forgotten about the greatest story we could ever be a part of… our own!
Being Aware Really Can Suck!
You see ever since I was a child, in-spite of chaos that was my young life, I could see and understand things that I could not really explain until I was much older. Regardless of my unfortunate circumstances, for some reason I was always able to understand why other people did what they did. After all, I had plenty of time to reflect. Even though many of the actions of those I surrounded myself with did not sit well with me, a part of me understood it was all a byproduct of something usually beyond their control.
Having such insight at such a young age allowed me to do some pretty interesting things though as I often found myself using it to see into the future. As this gift/curse has often allowed me to predict the outcome of certain events with uncanny accuracy. Unfortunately, I could usually only apply to everyone’s life but my own. These gifts also caused me a great deal of pain as they often compelled me to allow some horrible things to continue. Especially seeing that I simply didn’t have the life experience that would’ve allowed me to know that many of things I saw/experiences were simply not acceptable. No matter well I understood the reason behind why they occurred.
It’s always been a burden I never really wanted to carry. And, NO! I’m not psychic nor crazy (well maybe a lil crazy…hahaha). It’s just that amongst the madness of my life the one thing I could always see was patterns. Patterns of behavior and how people reacted, acted and treated one another. Patterns of cause and effect which always seemed to allow me to anticipate how things would most likely unfold. Granted, it was not as though I could guarantee the end result of any situation or circumstance. It just allowed me determine the most likely outcome of almost any situation which eventually helped me learn how to use this intuition to determine other peoples motivation/intentions as I got older. The older I got, the more I realized many of us use this pattern recognition in their own lives although few people very really realize they are even doing it.
When I was a child and young adult I had the fortune of being able to developed this skill set because I was able to surround myself with tons of different people from different perspectives, background and cultures. Many of people I’ve met did the same thing even though most of them did in more on a subconscious level, I’ve met quit a few people who tried to see such patterns. The only real difference was my ability to understand such things seemed to be more advanced considering that I started looking at the world this way since I was 8.
Having found it to be quit beneficial to be around different people from different cultures and backgrounds at such a young age also caused me a ton of problems. Ultimately though, it did allow me to absorb a great deal of other perspectives, the cost was steep though. After all, rowing up in a town like P-Town provided a massive dose of diversity that was off the charts compared to most of the world around me at the time. It really wasn’t until I was much older that I was truly able grasp how much these experiences affected me. Even though they served to help me expand my own understanding of human nature considerably, they also almost nearly killed me more times than I care to remember…
Start Stupid, End Smart … Or Suffer
Being a nieve child I simply thought everyone saw the world this way. I thought that pretty much everyone tried to navigate the patterns of human behavior and craved to expand their own perspective by meeting different people. This perspective evolved as I got older as I found myself hanging out with a lot less people. In reality, the one thing I’ve notices is that not many peoples see these patterns. And, very few people know or even realize how quickly we in fact absorb the personalities, desires, traits and characteristics of those we find ourselves being around. Besides, the world really is filled with a bunch of narrow minded selfish assholes. After all, I was once one of them and really don’t ever want to go back to being that guy! Even though I was really quit good at it…
Just like most kids growing up, we all have a tenancy to randomly try on different personalities that interest us like hats throughout our lives as we try to find the one that fits us best. As we get older we settle start to settle down and keep the ones we find most comfortable. Me, I’ve just tried on enough hats to know that no one hat can ever really define me. So, I just learned how to make my own hats now and can rock’em all like a super star…lol
Sadly, corporate America and politicians have been aware of these patterns and regularly use such knowledge for a while now. In fact apply this knowledge to manipulate human nature by developing some powerful tactics or methods designed to help them mold the masses to their will. Allowing them to predict and create new patterns and compel us to take action like trained dogs, they create trends to sell us shit we don’t need while manipulating the masses like clock work. The problem is, it’s not our nature to be led around forever. It’s in human nature for us to be free. Nature drives humanity to explore, learn, adapt, overcome and evolve. Eventually nature will always overcome all those who try to go against it or try to make it bend to their will.
But, damn…! Some of these commercials really are good at playing on our nature and heartstrings as they play on the insecurities and emotions that drive us. Spending trillions of dollars over the past century they’ve spend a great deal of tie and money trying to get to know us better than many people even know themselves. Using things like market research, focus groups, mathematical formulas, surveys, etc. they have become pretty go at understanding/manipulating the masses. The only problem is, they’ve had haven’t evolved at the same rate as those who they wish to control and don’t even realize how primitive they themselves have become. In fact, their methods have actually accelerated the growth of more people then they realize.
What Changed Me?
A long time ago, when my life was at a turning point during my college years I met someone who helped me realize that I wasn’t crazy. My life was a mess as all those pesky experiences I thought were behind kept getting in my way and cause me to self destruct no matter how successful I was. She helped me see my true potential and gave me the push I needed to wake up. Allowing me to realize that everything does in fact happen for a reason, she made me feel as if I could overcome my past no matter how dark it was. After all, we all dream of finding these kind of people and in fact, most of us do. Sadly, many of us often don’t realize who these people are and what they offer as many of us end up usually discarding them or taking advantage of them to the point where we push them away and out of out lives. Usually because of fear or selfishness.
Being overly cautious, knowing what I knew about human nature, I spent almost a decade with this person before I asked her to marry me. Over the years she gained my trust as it took me a great deal of time to explain to her why I was damaged goods. She only seemed to love me more the more I shared. All of which helped me find the strength in needed the finally face the demon’s of my past. She supported me when I could not do it alone and was even the catalyst that helped me start writing my first book called, “The Business of Life” where I explain how much better off humanity would be if people ran their lives like companies and companies ran more like a socially conscious human.
Granted I never really finished it (It’s one of those books that can truly never be finished) and never really intended to have it publish. Considering the fact that the only reason I wrote it was to help me develop the tools I needed to understand my own life and grow. It’s never really been about accolades or money, I just like to write shit down to burn it into my memories. But, I know for certain that I’ll be writing a few blog posts about this phenomena though…hahaha
The truth be told, if you understand how a company works/operates, you’d be be quit surprised to see how running your life like a company can work wonders when charting your own path toward personal growth and financial success. It’s pretty uncanny! I’m really surprised no one’s written a book about this parallel yet…lol
I Still Haven’t Figured Out Me Yet…
(Has anyone really anyways?)
Personally, I’ve never really understood why such things seemed to come to me so naturally. Having always had a instinct for understanding the human condition and being able to identify what motivated people. I never understood why so many people could not see what I did. We’re all born with special talents or gifts I guess. I never had to organize and compile tons of data or spend a boat load of money to figure out market trends or figure people out like companies do. It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s that I realized that the entire universe really was comprised of a never ending series of patterns.
Growing up I’ve always felt like we are all part of a giant universal organism that was on a never ending quest to explain itself to it’s children. Some were blessed with the instinctual ability to flow effortlessly with the universe, others needed to observe and contemplate how it all worked in order to get it. All the while it was simply slowly taking the necessary time to raise all it’s children so they could evolve. As each of them learn how adapt to their known reality so they could form the necessary building blocks the universe needed to help connect all of these patterns into one cohesive unit and grow. Helping to create everything we see and know.
Of which explains why I was so fascinated with religion when I was around 12. Well, that and it was a great much needed escape from my reality at the time. Even as a child it always felt like the universe/God was trying to explain how everything works with a series examples and metaphors to all those who could intellectually contemplate such things. After all, we really do seem to learned more from life experience, especially when we follow our instincts and passion. Observing others and watching them interact while listening to their lessons or stories usually teaches us much more than we ever do learn in a classroom. Granted I still subscribe to religion, I just don’t let it rule me. My beliefs are my own any my perspective is base as much on science as it is religion and faith. I’m quit a walking contradiction of sorts…lol
Unfortunately for me, exploring some of these crazy theories, revelations and interesting hobbies had some painful side affects. Causing me to unwittingly unlock some of my own painful truths I hide from myself about my current and past reality. And they messed me up pretty bad at time. So much so that they sent my life spinning drastically out of control and nearly destroyed my sense of reality. Until about a decade ago my life was a real roller-coaster ride from hell…
Looking back on those days now, I finally understand why they were in fact the necessary kicks in my ass I needed at the time. All in order to help me find the real path towards peace that I’ve always craved. It just took me more than a decade since I accepted my reality and figure all this shit out. Piece of cake right!
The Truth Burns… So Get Use To The Heat!
Now after many years or reflection, a little therapy and a lot of love. I have come to understand that the more I/we/you expose ourselves to the truth about our own life story, the more power and strength we can derive from exploring the many different painful experiences we still seem try and put behind us. In reality, they never stay there for long as they always seem to linger or resurface at the most peculiar and inconvenient times in our lives.
Most of us don’t give it a second thought when a current situation triggers a past memory or thought in the back of our mind. Yet, so very few of us ever realize how relative these things are to learning the lesson they intended to teach us all alone. Shit, most of us don’t even see any lesson at all as the emotional roller coasters these situations create seem to dr0wn out our ability to rationally look past the barrage of feelings these events or conversations stir up.
Some of us seem to love the rush of the ride so much we seem to get easily addicted to it as we find ourselves looking for the next one without even exploring the why. I always used to joke around with others and tell them that God/The Universe has been speaking to its children all the time… like all young children we are just to underdeveloped really understand what our parents are saying yet. Like all children it takes a while to learned how to really interpret the language of emotion the universe uses to communicate with us. Just like any child is, we are simply so addicted to hearing our sound of our parents voice that we’ll do just about anything to get their attention just to hear their words. Considering that we are all so drawn to anything that creates an emotional response, it really does make sense doesn’t it… (There I go again with one of my crazy theories…hahaha)
Whatever the case may be, when we in fact step back and let these emotions wash over us and you learn to calm your mind after the initial impact. You can slowly start to look for and be able to find the possible lesson the experience is teaching you. Regardless of whether or not it clearly reveals something to you, this process helps to slowly start to expand your perspective and ability to grow from such experiences considerably. The more you practice this method of personal reflection after an emotional outburst, the more often it will begin to reveal lessons we never knew were there to begin with. In doing so, even if we just try to do it for a brief moment in time, it can surprising give us more stability and control over those emotions that sometimes cause us to overreact. Helping us develop the necessary building blocks we can use to become more patient while increasing our perspective and the size of our own personal fishbowl worlds.
Even if they don’t reveal some life altering lesson and the uncomfortable burn tries to pursued us from pursuing these thoughts and ideas that invoke these emotions further. We must persist. Sometimes we may think that we getting nowhere fast, but in fact, even the smallest steps can build up over time until. Before you know it, you’ll someday look back and realize what you’ve built a pretty impressive foundation.
We all need a strong foundation or starting point in life to help grow so we can find the courage we need to build the momentum in life so can get comfortable blasting through the walls of discomfort that hold us back from greatness. After all, such things really are just little gifts designed to help us get a better idea of what our true potential or purpose in life really is.
The more we do understand this reality, the better we get at navigating the waters of life. Once we learn how how to use such things instead of being controlled by them we can begin to really look back and see how all our life experiences, memories and stories we share with others are in fact our subconscious minds trying working things out. Almost as if humanity is subconsciously working in concert with those we meet on some sort of psychic wave length. As each person seems to trigger these memories and ideas we experience in life as we feel compelled to share them with each other. You know, like some sort of grand design programed into our minds to help us and our fellow human beings out on their mutual quest to find out who we really are and why we are here whether we know it or not. Out of all my theories on human nature, this is by far one of my most favorite ones…lol
In truth, when you become strong enough to stop the emotional roller-coaster ride you can begin to stop the madness, step back and explore why these things have so much power over you. Before I was able to do this to the level I can now it took me years to except the fact that my inability and refusal to prohibit my emotions from getting the best of me in fact made it impossible for me to face my own demons. Of which unfortunately played a huge part in messing up both my first daughter and the relationship that I had spent years building. But, this catastrophe forced me to finally man-up and face the demons which cause many problem which in turn helped me become strong enough to be a better father to my two new daughters while giving me the insight into how important it is for all parents to be there and communicate more often with our children. Did the situation absolutely suck…YES! But the lessons learned from it are truly priceless…
We Are All Pieces Of A Puzzle
The biggest pain in the assets if the fact that none of us seem to have all the pieces we need within ourselves to help us complete our own puzzles in life. This is not really a bad thing though. In fact I believe it’s simply how it was meant to be. After all, we really are just social creatures who are instinctively compelled to venture out into the world and meet people of like mind aren’t we. As with most of us, it’s the burn of fear that holds all us back from doing so though. Fearing pain is understandable though. The problem is, way to many people foolishly believe that we can live a life without pain and fight feverishly to avoid anything that may cause even the slightest discomfort in our lives. Ironically, many of us never learn to differentiate the difference between good, healthy pain and the pain that we should be afraid of.
Overcoming pain or discomfort is undoubtedly the most important tool we can ever learn to use. Now I’m not saying go hug a cactus but when it comes to becoming a stronger, healthier person, nothing comes without a price. If you are not willing to pay it, you will never have anything of value in life. Humanity, as with most of the universes children, are social creatures by nature. Going out and meeting new people is the only way you will ever find those like minded people and knowledge or stories that help us explore the different aspects of our personality. In fact, these people actually have the missing pieces we need to help us get that much closer to completing our own puzzles. Sometimes, these people actually are the missing piece itself…
The small price we all pay is the discomfort most people feel when they risk putting themselves out there and don’t succeed at meeting others every time. Yet, most people seem to treat this minor obstacle like a major issues and give up trying to meet new people before they even start, which I have always found quit odd. Considering the fact that every piece of any puzzle never usually really fits perfectly into place the first time you tried to put the puzzle together, what would make you think building that your own life puzzle would be any different? You never really fail when you try to meet new people, you just find out that the person you tried to meet wasn’t meant for your puzzle at that time in your life. If they were meant to be in your life, they will be. It just might not happen on the time table you’d like.
You should never feel even the slightest bit disappointed when you find out that a person you tried to meet doesn’t actually fit in your life. In fact, you should be ecstatic at the fact you found out that they weren’t meant to be a part of your life so quickly. After all, there is nothing more disappoint in life than investing so much time into any relationship only to have to end it because they never really fit your puzzle the way they needed to to begin with no matter hard you tried. Seriously, if you have to change who you are to be with another person and you don’t feel good about the person you’ve become…it’s time to get hell out or that’s exactly where you going to be for the remainder of your relationship with that person!
One of our biggest problems is that fact that way to many people try to limit the amount of people or experiences we let come into our lives. Almost like we are trying to regulate the burn and control the level of discomfort we face when in fact we the only thing we are doing is losing out on more chances to create the sparks that make us feel alive as seek out those people who light our souls on fire. The problem is, way to many people seem to find some sort of temporary comfort in being surrounded by the walls of ignorance we built around ourselves from time to time. These wall are usually made up of people who make us feel good about our choices in life as way to many people
Me, I’m not much different. I just stopped running. I stopped running from my past and blamed society for my problems and fears. Even though they were very much the cause of many of the painful experiences I endured. The truth be told, they were meant to happen and I am the only one who can overcome and learn from them the way nature intended. After all, I am the only one who can live my life.
For the longest time I was content with accepting the little lies we all seem to tell. Even when its myself I was lying to. Seriously, no one wants to admit that most of us really are shadows of who we were meant to be. Let alone take personal responsibility for creating our own misery, it’s just so much easier to blame something other than themselves.
Granted my past personal deceptions/delusions were more extreme than most other people I know and for the longest time I did feel cursed. As I once felt doomed to walk the planet knowing so much and having so few people to share it with. Just like most people, life always seemed want to dangle the golden carrot of sustainable success in front of me as I continually to try and grasp it. Only to fall flat on my face each time it was within reach.
Now, looking back at all those frustrating moments of my past, I see the reasons why they were so! The path I am on, the path we are all on, is really quite clear if we stop dwelling on those “Woe is me” moments of our lives. Or, at least learn why we are dwelling on them to begin with. When I finally discovered that these bubble busting moments in life that make us crumble and cry were in fact gifts. Things started to change as I started focusing more on what I could learn from them and less of the fact that even happened or why life was so quit cruel.
Long before I changed my perspective about all those crappy moments in life, I always seemed to find myself feeling like God or the universe was just this cruel child intent on picking on me. That was until I realized that these road blocks in life that seem to piss us all off are simply there to force us to go down a different path. Forcing us down the roads of life which we never would’ve taken if these things didn’t happen. As weak as we feel every time shit like this happens, ironically they simply making us stronger and more resilient so we can become powerful enough to blaze new trail when we seem to come to a dead end. And, if you are lucky, there will be many dead ends in your life.
Life and nature will always apply the necessary resistance required to regularly forces us go down the paths we need to in order to help us find and share our genius with the world. We just get so pissed, we think we are failures or refuse to see the lesson(s) these detour(s) were intended to create. Sadly, the only failures we ever truly experience is when we fail to keep trying…
There Is A Genius Inside Us All!
Personally I believe Albert Einstein was right, there really is a genius inside each and everyone one of us. The fact remains that many highly success business people and leaders of our world simply just don’t want or care to help us to find it. After all, many of them made their money and success by getting us to sacrifice our own dreams and the pursuit of this genius. All so that they can simply afford the limitless distraction they need to help them take their lives off the fact that they have all these resources and no clue how to be happy.
The reality of life is that society really is at a point where we can all find this dormant genius in us. And, this scares a lot of people who are desperate to maintain the delusion that they know what best for us so they can keep on affording the next more potent distraction to help them maintain the high that keeps them going. The problem is, billions of people are suffering just so a handful of addicts can maintain their high…
The sad truth is, many people believe that we need others to tell us how become happy and sacrifice our free will to anyone who seems to make sense at the time and refuse to wake up. We trick ourselves into believing that these people would never do us wrong and even refuse to verify their claims most of the time while defending them without hesitation. As a society we’ve become so dependent on authority figures we refuse to believe anything that threatens our perspective, even it is the truth. So much so that many of us would actively try to destroy all those who try to help us step into reality. Even if refusing to acknowledge the truth eventually kill them in the end.
What a major pain in the assets… huh! The sad part is, the truth is and has always been out there and it is now more accessible than it ever has been. Even when those that wish to hide it from us bombard the internet with tons of propaganda, it can still be found. We just need to stop believing that those people who are protecting the lie are going to tell us the truth. It all starts with you!
The world needs a new wave of hero’s now more than ever! Regular people like you and me who are willing to do the research to find the truth while providing the evidence they discover to help validate their claims. What we need is to not attack them or write them off as liars when they get it wrong every now and then as these things will happen.
We need to stop believing those people and groups whose soul purpose in life is to paint and promote an agenda, support a political party or tell you what to think when it comes to what is really going on in the world.
What we need right now is to accept reality, stop complaining and learn to help each other find a better way to become the civilized beings we claim to be. Instead of simply making fun of how stupid people are just to make ourselves feel good…
To go back to reading my life story, “The Book of Adam”… Click Here